Family...what in the world does this word mean????

Family.  Over the past few years, this word has been the cause of much confusion and even pain for me.  When you are growing up, you are surrounded by family.  It isn't hard to define what a family is when you are young, at least not for most people.  But then you grow up, and people grow apart, and you begin wondering just what in the world this word means.  I've always been a family person.  If you ask me what the most important thing in my world is, I would say that after God, it's family.  But what does this word mean??  

Once upon a time, family used to mean something.  But now it seems that families are filled with feuds, jealously, hatred, competition, you name it!  Not a lot of positives in there, is there?  And my family, unfortunately is no different.  As I feel myself slipping away from my family, I cling to my husband, daughter, and now our soon to be son.  I say to myself, "they are all that I need".  But, is this really what I want?  No, not really.  I'd love to be closer to the rest of my family, but it seems that they keep slipping further and further away.  And why is this?  Well, refer back to my line about what families are full of these days.  I know it can't just be my family, because I hear people talk constantly about how much pain their families cause them.  How no one is their family is there for them, how it seems as though they could care less about them.  Ouch.  The people that are supposed to love you and be there for you end up being the ones that disappoint and hurt you the most.  And we try to accept this fact most of the time, and continue on with our ridiculous family feuds.  This has been my biggest struggle over the past few years.  I try hard to just accept that it is what it is, but in the back of my mind I am screaming, "But this is not how it's supposed to be!  This is not what a family should be!"  

As I am growing older, and growing closer to God, I am realizing that family is more than blood.  Chasing after peoples acceptance is not something that would be too pleasing to the big man upstairs, even if it is your family, and especially if it interferes with our walk with Jesus.  And I can tell you that it sometimes interferes with mine.  I spend more time thinking about it and getting upset about it, and less time praying and talking to God about it, and certainly less time in my bible, because sometimes the pain is so crippling that all I want to do is lay down in my bed and be depressed about it.  Why do we chase after everyone else’s acceptance all the time?  It must really tick God off.  There He is, all the time.  He is there for you every second of your life, always there to love you and to take care of you, and we whine about how no one loves us and we are all alone.  And there He is the entire time.  It’s like we’re slapping Him in the face.  

Jesus was treated horribly by people that He cared about, and endured more pain they will could even imagine, and we (I) still sit here and whine and whine and let these pointless feuds bother us (me).  Even after all of this knowledge, it's still hard to accept.  To accept that you may never be close to your family (your family by blood that is).  It's heartbreaking really, but you can't make people change, and you certainly can't make people love you.  What you can do is continue to love them, and pray for them, despite their feelings towards you.  This verse keeps me going when I get incredibly down about this: "You will be hated by all because of my name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved".  Something else that really helps me out is that I have another family; my family in Christ.  I don't have to try and get them to love me, they just do.  Same with God.  I don’t have to do anything, I don’t have to try, He just loves me.  And I will never be alone.  Not to mention, I have a husband who would do anything in the world for me.  I have a daughter who looks at me everyday like I am the most amazing things she’s ever seen.  Who kisses and hugs and snuggles me constantly.  Who loves me so much!  And a little boy on the way who will hopefully look at me the same way that she does.  I have parents who are always there when I need them, and brothers who are constantly keeping me laughing.  I have wonderful friends, and a great church family.  I need to let go of the rest.  I need to just let it all go.

Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring.  We are instructed to love one another, and not just in that "yeah, sure, I love them" kind of a way.  But really love them, and pray for them, and want the best for them.  And even if you don't love me and you wish the worst for me, if it makes your skin crawl every time something wonderful happens in my life, don't worry, I still love you and I will still be praying for you, and I will be there for you anytime you need me.  But I have to stop chasing after you and your acceptance.  I need to get back to my family.  My husband, my children, God, those closest to me.  I have to focus on my walk.  I have to be the light.  This isn't an instant cure for my pain and frustration.  It will pop up every now and then.  Every time you ignore me, or don't show up to something important in my life, or even acknowledge that something special and big in my life is occurring.  Every time that you say something bad about me, or make fun of me, it will sting.  But, I will remember the pain that Jesus went through, and I will remember that He will hold me tightly every time I feel pain, and that even if everyone else in my life disappears, I will have Him.  And if I keep my eyes on Him, the pain will melt away, and I will be okay again.  And I will remember Kyle, and Jaidyn, and Baby Creel.  They are my life.  And I love them :)   

Moral of the story: Meagan, you are beyond blessed, so stop whining, and stop worrying!