My Reflections on Pregnancy

This pregnancy is coming to an end, and it's so bittersweet.  It's really flown by.  I am so excited that little P is almost here, but also sad that my pregnancy is almost over.  So, I thought that I would write a blog about my reflections on my pregnancy with my sweet baby boy.


Sometimes, it feels like this is my first pregnancy.  Being pregnant with Jaidyn is such a blur at this point.  To be honest, for the most part, that pregnancy is not a happy memory, and I have probably blocked a lot of it out.  I don't feel guilty saying that though, because there was never a moment during that time when I didn't love her, or that I didn't want her.  And since the very moment she became my outside baby, we have been best friends.  I've never been closer to anyone else in my entire life, so I don't feel bad admitting that the pregnancy itself was less than perfect.  

There are certain things that stand out that were so incredibly special to me, like the first time I heard her heartbeat and started to cry, or the first time I saw her at my ultrasound.  Also, feeling her move inside of me, and the first time I got to lay my eyes on that beautiful little face.  I clung so hard to the love that I felt for her throughout my pregnancy, but other than that love and that bond, the rest of my pregnancy was pretty terrible.  No one will ever, ever know how emotionally difficult it was for me.  It was one of the most emotionally painful times of my life.  But, so completely worth it.  Most people don't know that Jaidyn is responsible for my finding God.  I didn't know what else to do but pray like crazy during that time of my life.  It would still be awhile before I really got my life on track, but Jaidyn was the one that lead me to that path.  

Anyways, so to sum that up....my pregnancy with Jaidyn was a very unhappy time in my life, yet she led me straight to God and has made my life so wonderful.  So part of me feels like this is my first real pregnancy.  I did it right this time.  I made a new, precious, little life with my husband, the man that I love.  And because of that, I have truly savored and loved every single minute of it.  Talk about a ton of pressure for poor Kyle though, eh?  I came into this pregnancy with giant expectations for him, whether I vocalized them or just kept them to myself.  Regardless, it was like part of me wanted him to make up for my horrible first experience, plus some.  Having those expectations is completely unfair of course, and to be honest, I didn't vocalize it very much.  Most of it was just in my mind.  But, I can now say that he has more than exceeded my expectations (without me even asking him too).  He has truly been the best throughout this pregnancy.  And even before then.  It can't be easy for anyone to marry someone who already has a child.  To come into a little girls life after missing 4 years of it.  To take the place of someone who has been missing for so long.  To deal with the pain of a little girl that he loves so much fighting against that love constantly.  It isn't that way anymore, but it took a long time for her to let him love her, and to allow herself to fall in love with him too.  The love that I see between those two now is amazing, and it makes me want to cry.  But it was a battle getting there.  I truly think God played a huge role in that.  He helped her through it all, and I am forever grateful for that.

Not only has he been such a great dad to Jaidyn, he's been a great dad already to this baby, and a loving and supportive husband.  Kyle has been to every doctors appointment.  He has gone out to get everything I've craved, or gotten out of bed to cook me something.  He has dealt with my crazy pregnant lady hormones.  He's held me while I've cried, and stood there while I've yelled without yelling back, he's calmed all of my crazy fears, he's sat up late at night talking about baby stuff when I know he'd rather have been sleeping.  He's spent way more money that he's comfortable spending on this pregnancy and baby.  He talks to his baby, and loves to feel his little kicks (well,  I guess they aren't so little anymore!).  He's even painted my toenails, and taken all of our maternity pictures for me.  He has been perfect.  He's barely slept this entire time.  He's got to be absolutely exhausted, but you would never know it.  He is the greatest, most humble man that I have ever met.  So husband, if you are reading this, thank you for making this pregnancy extra special for me!  And thanks for putting up with your crazy wife and daughter these past few months :) 


Not only has Kyle helped to make this an extra special pregnancy, but so has Jaidyn.  I was worried about how a new baby would effect her.  Especially the relationship that she and I have.  But she has been amazing.  She's been so happy and excited this whole time.  For some reason, she's wanted a brother from the start.  I had just assumed that since she was a girl, she would be dying for a baby sister, but she's wanted a little brother so badly.  She's loved him so much this whole time.  She talks to him, sings to him, kisses my belly every morning when she first wakes up, and then a thousand other times throughout the day.  She still giggles every time she feels him kick, and I am convinced that those two are already bonded together so closely.  She's made me very proud, and has grown up a lot over these past 9 months.  Again, I think God has totally helped get her ready for yet another change in her life.  She's had her moments lately where she is starting to panic a bit....realizing that some of the things that we do together (going to the movies, JAC dates, etc) aren't going to be quite the same from here on out.  She's not adjusted the greatest to not being able to snuggle me as tightly and closely as she used to, and like her, I really miss that too.  There has been some tears shred over her worry that things will change between us, and it breaks my heart.  But more than anything, she has been so happy and such a big girl.  I know that things will be different, especially those first few weeks, but I am praying that everyone will adjust and she and I can get back to having those JAC dates very soon :)  I am just so in love with that little girl, and so excited to watch her become a big sister!

Feeling her little brother move always makes her giggle!

Now, let's talk about that sweet little boy.  I know that I haven't met him yet, but I am completely in love and attached to him already.  I worried in the beginning that I wouldn't love him as much as I love Jaidyn, and that I wouldn't be able to bond with him like I did her.  That is totally not the case.  I'm learning that I can love them equally, just differently.  He is my little peanut, and I can't wait to bring him into this world.  I've loved every moment of this pregnancy with him.  Well, mostly ;)  I can't say that I loved 6 weeks of morning sickness, or the heartburn and hip pain that I am currently dealing with....but I can say that it is all worth it.    Honestly the worst part of this pregnancy has been my worry over everything.  I worried in the beginning that I would miscarry, and I have spent the remainder of my pregnancy worried about my gestational diabetes and how it would affect him.  But everything has worked out so far.  He's growing great, and he's healthy, and for that I am so grateful. 

Things that I have loved about being pregnant with Baby Creel:

• He's brought us all closer together.  I feel like once he's here, our family will truly be complete.  We are just all so happy :)  He's brought a lot of happiness and extra love into this family, and he hasn't even arrived yet.  
• I loved hearing that little heartbeat for the first time.  It's the most amazing sound.
• Although I haven't enjoyed the reasoning behind having to have so many ultrasounds, I have loved seeing him so frequently.  The first one was probably the most amazing.  He was such a little peanut, and we all were amazed when he started wiggling around!  I will never forget the looks on Jaidyn and Daddy's face that day....it made my heart melt!
• His movements.  I first felt his teeny tiny little baby kicks at 14 weeks, and it wasn't long after that that Kyle was able to feel his first kick too!  Little did I know that this baby was going to be as active as he has been!  I love it, but I just can't believe how much he moves.  Jaidyn didn't move nearly as much as he does.  It's fairly constant throughout the day, which means that I don't have to worry if he's alright or not!  And I absolutely love it when he pokes that butt of his out!  This is something that miss Jaidyn did a lot too when she was in my belly!  I will never forget the way she laughs when she feels her little brother move, or how she says, "Oh, Bubby!" when he sticks that bottom out!
• My body.  That may sound weird, but I have loved my body throughout this pregnancy.  I've felt really beautiful for most of these 9 months.  My skin and hair have been awesome, and I   love love love my belly!  I am going to miss it a lot :(  I'm not looking forward to having to worry about covering up rolls again....pregnant bodies are so amazing! 
• Having him with me all the time.  I love that he is constantly with me.  I love talking to him, and singing to him, and reminding him how much I already love him.  I love that he's all safe, and snuggly, and warm in there.
• Learning more about the beauty of being a woman.  I have been reading a book called Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.  She talks so much about the beauty of childbirth, and how special and wonderful that day will be; that moment when you bring the child that you and your husband and God created into this world.  It helps me to be less scared, and more excited about the soon to be birth of baby Creel.  And it makes me realize how lucky I am to be a woman; to get to experience something so beautiful and so amazing.  I don't know how the entire process of making and having and raising and loving a child isn't 100% proof to people that there is a God.  Who else could have designed something so perfect?
• My June Bugs :)  I was lucky enough to stumble upon thebump.com after I found out that I was pregnant.  I didn't enjoy it at first.  The beginning was filled with snotty women posting snotty posts on the message boards, or what seemed like a million miscarry posts.  It didn't help calm my fears at all, so I left it for awhile, and then decided to come back.  I am glad that I did.  I was able to get tons of advice, and even though it still had it's fair share of snotty posts, I learned to ignore those and focus on the positive ones.  I basically just stuck to the June 2012 board.  Eventually, a facebook group was created for members of this board called the June Bugs.  My June Bugs have been my saving grace throughout this pregnancy.  I witnessed so much kindness and love from these women.  And sure, there is still some snarkiness (we are all incredibly hormonal), but we've learned to love each other despite that, and have really started to depend on one another.  People in real like suck when you are pregnant.  They are rude, and judgey, and overly opinionated, and down right mean.  No one needs or wants that during this incredibly fragile, yet special time in their life.  In February, one of our moms lost her baby boy to premature labor.  It was devastating to us all, but through that time I got to witness something amazing.  Some 200 women coming together to pray for this woman and to raise money for her and her husband.  Another women was on bedrest and carrying twins.  We raised money to have her home cleaned so that she would have a nice clean home to bring those beautiful babies too.  Most of these women, I don't believe would consider themselves Christians....but I have seen the love of Jesus so many times over the past few months in this group.  So many prayers each and every day for women that we don't even know in real life.  It's been pretty amazing.  I am praying that the group will stay together once all of our babies have arrived!  I probably wouldn't have survived this pregnancy without them.  :)  

    So, here we are, at the end of this pregnancy.  I am currently sitting here at 1 cm, 75% effaced, with an incredibly low little boy.  He could be here any minute, and I am getting so anxious to meet him!  These last few days I have felt pretty bad....super nauseous, horrible heartburn, crazy back pain, terrible cramping, you name it!  But I would totally do this all over again, because I am creating something so wonderful....my sweet baby boy!  Baby boy, mommy, daddy, and sissy are anxiously awaiting your arrival!  We all love you more than you will ever know, and are dying for you to get here! <3